Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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