I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
