It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
