Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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