Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
