I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
