she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
