I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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