everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
