I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
