After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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