Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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