if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
