I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
