Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
