Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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