I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
