I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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