the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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