What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
