Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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