I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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