it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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