Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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