i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As shirtless as possible
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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