Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just got carded by a ten year old.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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