I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
