nut hugger
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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