So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
