Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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