i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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