I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
