grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize