Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
