peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
