this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
