If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
