my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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