Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude i'm inner monologue high
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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