dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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