DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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