This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
