We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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