after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
