I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
