In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
