why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
