I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I forget how to act sober
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
