We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
