I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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