He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
