well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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