i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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