hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
